FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT MASSAGGIO GALORE:
Q: So who are you, anyway?
A: Pleased to meet you! I'm Ray Misra, Licensed Massage Practitioner in Seattle, Washington (WA #60238031). I'm a graduate of an 800-hour massage therapy program at Everest College in Seattle, and I've been learning new tricks and sharpening my skills for over 20 years. My specialties include Swedish massage, myofascial release, deep tissue, sports massage, chair massage and proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation.
Just a few of my favorite things include karaoke, flash mobs, scary movies, mah jong and pho. I've lived all over--San Diego, Houston, Boston, Los Alamos, Amherst, MA and rural New Hampshire--but Seattle is the greatest American city!
Q: Why "Massaggio Galore?"
A: I'm a dedicated Frank Zappa fan, and Frank has an instrumental called "Massaggio Galore."
It appears on his mid-1980s all-instrumental album "Jazz From Hell", which managed to get a "Warning: Explicit Lyrics" sticker despite the fact that there isn't a single lyric on it. Yes, we know. It was The Reagan Years. Remember how, at the end of Roman Polanski's "Chinatown", Walsh says to Jake Gittes, "Forget it, Jake. It's Chinatown"? Well, forget it. It was The Reagan Years. Just...let it go.
Q: Where is your office?
A: You can find me Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays at 1265 S Main Street, Suite #304 in Little Saigon--that's the Rainier Center Building, roughly kittycorner from Pho Bac (the Vietnamese restaurant that's shaped like a boat)--and Thursdays and Fridays in Greenwood, at 101 N 85th Street, Suite #204.
Also, mobile massage--where I come to people's homes, offices and hotel rooms, is available on days that I don't have office hours.
Q: "Mobile Massage?" I guess that means you're one of those "outcall erotic massage services", right?
A: NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. I am a licensed, insured graduate of a professional program in healing massage and am offering mobile massage to people who can't, or don't want to, make the trek into one of my offices. (In fact, if a client tried to sexualize a massage, I would end it on the spot. And as for their getting their money back? Yeah, good luck with that.)
Q: Is mobile massage right for me?
A: Allow me to answer this question with a few questions of my own...
*Are you coping with stress, tension or muscle pain?
*Do you enjoy (or at least have an interest in) massage from a licensed professional to help you manage (or, with luck, maybe even dispel) these problems?
*Are you indicated for massage? (That is to say, are you medically cleared to receive massage? If in doubt, ask your doctor.)
*Do you have a space in your house/office/other destination that is at least 8' * 10', with at least a six-foot ceiling, to accommodate a massage table and the licensed massage professionals who will work around it?
*Is the answer to all these questions "yes"?
Then put the coffee on...I'm comin' over!!!
Q: Is it true that you sometimes use "Star Wars" and "Spider-Man" sheets on your table?
A: It has been known to happen, yes.
Q: I like "Star Wars" and/or "Spider-Man. Can I reserve them for my massage?
A: Maybe. :)
Q: About that slogan of yours, "Feel Better, Heal Faster. Live Longer." That's pretty catchy. Were you ever considering any alternate slogans?
A: Slogans that didn't make the final cut:
Two "s"es. Two "g"s. Too relaxing.
Just wait'll I get my hands on you!
I've got yer back!
And lastly, there was a time when I was going to call this business "Dane Prince Massage", after Hamlet. My logo was going to be a picture of me giving Hamlet a massage (you'd know it was him from the doublet, tights and crown hanging from the hat rack, as well as the ghost of his father looking on approvingly), and my slogan in the alternate universe where I actually DID do this is "Aye, there's the rub!" But I didn't do that because (a) people would think my name was "Dane Prince", and (b) most people probably wouldn't get the joke, bruising my fragile ego.
Q: So, do you like being a masseuse, then?
A: Arrrrggghhhhh! Oh, how that word cuts me to the quick.
That's my pet peeve. I prefer when people call me a Massage Therapist, or an LMP (Licensed Massage Practitioner). Call me a "masseur", if you really must. But a "masseuse" is a girl. (In fact, even female LMPs usually don't like being called masseuses, because it harkens back to a day when everyone thought massage was a skeezy and lascivious profession.)
No calling me a "masseuse." The only exception would be if I went out to dinner, and I mentioned to my waiter that I was a massage therapist. Because then, when he asked, "How do you like being a masseuse?", I could answer, "It's great! How do YOU like being a WAITRESS?" Ah, satisfaction.
Q: Is it true that there's a "Massaggio Galore" THEME SONG?
A: I thought you'd never ask...
*drum sizzle*guitar*piano*woodwinds*rhythm section*strings*bass*